


Secret Self

by B1nary_S0lo



Series: Ilora Hawke [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Act 2, F/M, Flash Fic, Fluff, Names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6962641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B1nary_S0lo/pseuds/B1nary_S0lo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke hates her first name, but Anders feels differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Self

“Please don’t call me that,” Hawke said the first time he tried to use her given name.

Anders frowned. They’d been lying in bed, and he’d been kissing her ear when he let the name slip past his lips. Now, he stopped and looked at her curiously, raising himself up on one elbow to see her better.

“Really?” he said. “Why not?”

She groaned and rolled over so her face was hidden in her pillow.

“I hate my name,” she said.

He raised his eyebrows. “Why?” he said. “It’s a beautiful name.”

She turned her head and peered up at him through narrowed eyes.

“It’s _too_ beautiful,” she said. “It doesn’t suit me.”

“But you _are_ beautiful,” he said.

She smiled—that secret, cat-like half smile she always got when she was trying not to show how much she appreciated a compliment.

“You’re very sweet,” she said. “But, I mean… it sounds so prissy. I think my mother might’ve forgotten she wasn’t noble anymore when she named me.”

Her smile faded as she talked about her mother, lips pursing. Anders hadn’t spent much time around Leandra, but he’d gathered that she and Hawke had a somewhat difficult relationship. At the very least, she seemed to have a lot of expectations for her eldest daughter. Expectations that mainly involved Hawke wearing more dresses and making ladylike conversation with rich, eligible bachelors.

“Anyway,” she said. “I’m much happier being Hawke. Now, _that_ _’s_ a name that fits.”

He smiled, and reached for her again.

The conversation ended there, but he continued to think about it afterward. He wished he’d said more. He wished he’d been able to find the words to tell her that, yes, Hawke did suit her. But her given name suited her too. It suited that secret, vulnerable part of herself that so few people got to see. He wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to wear dresses or grow out her hair out or be pretty, to be sweet and soft. She was all of those things already. She didn't have to change to fit her name.

But he didn’t say any of this, just kept it inside. And, though he never called her out loud by her hated first name, he still used it in his head. At his lowest moments, frightened and alone, he whispered it to himself like a prayer. Her secret self, there to keep him safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a headcanon I've had forever. It's also been forever since I wrote about either of these guys, so yay!


End file.
